Saying the Hard Part Out Loud – Not Easy When It’s Your Life (Part 2)

What do you do when somebody asks you to stand up and tell your story to a room full of strangers: fight or flight. 

If I ran from every uncomfortable situation in my life, I probably would be halfway around the world by now. Over the past decade I am sure that both Amy and I have asked ourselves “why us?”. You see other families’ pictures and you wonder what could have been or what we might have done wrong. 

In the end, we did nothing wrong, and our journey is our own.
We love our boys, and we need to tell our story, their story.

Quit Tomorrow

I came across a Navy SEAL podcast that stuck with me.

When asked how they push through grueling training, their answer was simple: “Quit tomorrow.”

It applies to life more than most people realize. With mental health struggles and suicide rates in agriculture rising, I wish more people had this mindset. Just get through today. I wish more people could adopt this mindset. I think in work and in life, society would be much stronger.

Both Amy and I have bad nights. There are times when you reach a breaking point and you no longer can handle some of the things that occur behind closed doors. After the hundredth time of one of the boys yelling into their hands, or getting caught in their chew necklace, you need a break. 

We realized this, especially as our family gets older, that you cannot always be “on”. We’ve learned that parenting isn’t always 50/50—some days, one of us carries 90% so the other can recover.

One Christmas, Ashton was admitted to the hospital. He had stopped walking, but after 13 [yes, 13!] emergency visits, they kept sending us home, saying it was a virus. Since Halloween that year he had been deteriorating, plus on top of this he was having bowel issues and not eating due to being so selective. Amy spent Christmas Day in the hospital with him while I was at home with our other son. It was a “Quit Tomorrow” kind of day.

That now seems ages ago, but we still find ourselves in these battles daily. I have this quote written on my wall at work as a reminder of what a true “mindset” in both business and life needs to be.

Redefining “You”

In agriculture, being a farmer is more than just a job—it’s an identity.

We have created an illusion that this title holds a much higher meaning, even in some respects more important than family. I learned very early in my career that this was one of the largest downfalls. But when your title defines you, the stress, responsibility, and accountability become too much to bear.

I’ve seen too many people lose themselves in what they do, whether it’s farming, business, or even parenting. My belief is that in business nothing defines you, you define it. I had a client remark on a podcast “I don’t know if I chose farming, or farming chose me”. This hit home after selling our farm to create a better life for my family. It’s just a business.

For Amy and me, autism could easily define us. We live it and then when we leave the house, it’s all anyone wants to talk about. That’s why when we go out, we avoid kid-friendly places—VIP movie theatres, adults-only lounges, or other activities that do not involve children. It’s how we make sure autism doesn’t define our entire existence.

When I started my fitness journey, it was more about a break from reality than it was about the fitness itself. Even today, the infatuation is therapy much more than it is living a healthy lifestyle. I would love to tell you how I focus on longevity and being more health conscious, but the truth is I go to the gym, and I take out frustrations on something other than people. The hidden secret is that most gym goers are there for this reason, only Facebook and Instagram want you to believe otherwise. 

I believe that you need to sit down and define “you”. Most people go through life on cruise control and don’t take time or clarity to reflect. I take the time to reflect daily and weekly on what the definition of ‘me’ is and what our family is. I don’t have a definitive answer, not sure I ever will, but I will keep checking Wikipedia.

Your Story Is a Means to an End

I can’t stand influencers. They exist because people are too busy escaping their own reality to live in someone else’s. I’ve been called an influencer before—but I ask that you don’t. My story is a means to an end.

In business, successful entrepreneurs play chess while the rest of the world plays checkers. They’re ten steps ahead, making moves today that won’t be obvious for another ten years. I also believe you are born with this skill of strategy, and only in a few cases have I seen it taught or learned. It is the true definition of an entrepreneur, to identify possibilities before they become opportunities. 

Amy and I are playing chess.

We’ve been clear about the “why” for this transparency into our family’s story. We see things coming that terrify us—the lack of services, the lack of compassion, the 1 in 36 autism diagnosis rate. We know we can’t change the future fast enough for our own kids, but that doesn’t mean we stop trying.  Whether it be access to group homes, daily jobs, or other areas that our children are going to be part of, our story is meant to change the future in whatever way we can. 

We tell our story because it forces the right conversations, with the right people, in the right rooms.

And that’s true for business, too. Social media, advertising, and brand-building aren’t about popularity—they’re about leverage.

The Hardest Thing About Success

I could turn our story into a keynote speech—a lesson in resilience, leadership, and navigating the unmanageable.

I’ve spent a lot of my life chasing success. But I don’t think I ever stopped to define what success actually means. In business, success is often an easy one to write down. In life, it’s a little harder to put into words.

And the truth is—it’s not that easy when it’s your own life.